Behavioral Modification Tiki Gods

So, this is a good idea for if you have neighbors who talk all the time and it bothers you.

First, you have to know how to make something like a Furby, or just one of those talking parrot toys that repeats back whatever you say to it in a different voice. I don’t know how to make those things, though, so you will have to tell me.

Anyway, so you do that. It should be easy, because I have done the hard work of thinking of the idea already.

Once you’ve done that, build a giant Tiki god statue in your backyard, facing the fence of the neighbors you want to train. Again, you will have to figure out the details of this.

Program your Tiki god to repeat after or respond to the sounds of your neighbors talking, and then shoot fire out of its mouth.

So every time your neighbors are out nattering in their yards, bothering you, your Tiki god will be all like, “The doctors don’t know what’s WRONG with me…WHOOSH!” and “Oh, look, honey, it’s Bay-Bee Jay-SUS! FSSSH-KOW!“

Pretty soon, they might stop standing around nattering all the time, but they would probably not even consciously know why! You will, though! It’s behavioral modification, which is a kind of science.